I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka?
Forever.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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