i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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