dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
