I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
