I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
