...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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