I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
