He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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