did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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