I can't watch pbs sober anymore
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
