Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
