There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you didnt know i had herpes?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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