You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
