So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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