Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
