Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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