she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
