I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
