Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
