Sry I called you an 8
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
