Yo dont text me then not text me
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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