I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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