I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Randomize
