i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
