so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
