my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
