I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
