YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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