when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I met the friendliest cop last night
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
