This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
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im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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