Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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