He told me they were just razor bumps!
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My penis needs a shock collar
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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