Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
