Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
