i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
