oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
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remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
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ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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