So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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