guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
