you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
