loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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