i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
