just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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