Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
honey bunches of taint.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
