You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Randomize
