I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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