i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
