who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
