the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the jesus of drinking
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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