remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
