you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
