I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
