you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
