i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
