i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
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