im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
