Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
