When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
