He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she smelled like a LAN party
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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