Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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