There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My bed smells like the plague
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
