The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
