this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
