I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
