8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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