just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
