So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
