hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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