Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
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