We won't sleep together?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
