My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
