so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
