It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
