I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
