Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I need moral support for this bender
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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