pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
you inspire me to be a worse person
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
