you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
