Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
