Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
