Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
