she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
