I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
